guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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