Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
