that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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