part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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