And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
