someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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