I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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