is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
