The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Everything about him screamed your future.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
