What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
