I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
