can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
