we have officially lost it.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
