I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
