But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
