I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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