got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
