my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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