so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Quick, to the slutcave!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
