well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
