It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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