I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
