I intend to get homeless drunk
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
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Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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