"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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