I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
