Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.

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(978): I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b. http://tfl.nu/o2b7

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.

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(717): I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked. http://tfl.nu/cil2

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.

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(732): I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home. http://tfl.nu/01mk

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(281): View more from Texas

After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.

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(281): After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses. http://tfl.nu/xdpj

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(513): View more from Ohio

you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.

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(513): you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that. http://tfl.nu/6e0s

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(253): View more from Washington

My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"

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(253): My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair" http://tfl.nu/zzcb

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(423): View more from Tennessee

it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.

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(423): it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like. http://tfl.nu/iipz

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?

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(570): Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow? http://tfl.nu/hfr5

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden

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(617): Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden http://tfl.nu/88jg

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(212): View more from New York

at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver

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(212): at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver http://tfl.nu/1ssj

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(260): View more from Indiana

He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.

(317): View more from Indiana

I know, she tried to drink it

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(260): He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street. (317): I know, she tried to drink it http://tfl.nu/h1z5

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(310): View more from California

Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?

(626): View more from California

That's two questions.

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(310): Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away? (626): That's two questions. http://tfl.nu/0koe

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.

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(321): She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess. http://tfl.nu/6wvy

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.

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(412): So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T. http://tfl.nu/y888

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(619): View more from California

So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.

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(619): So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole. http://tfl.nu/on15

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