did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.