you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
