if you like me you must not know who I am
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
no you cant smoke seaweed
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She's the barista slut.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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