dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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