3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
