New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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