I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
