I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
