i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
