Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
