I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
