I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
