I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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