yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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