never play flip cup with pint glasses
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
