my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He better not be in your backpack
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
