I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
