fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
