Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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