OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
And then he peed in my hair
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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