I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
this will be a night to untag.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
