he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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