I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
