Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
