This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
