if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
