I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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