I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
