If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
