Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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