Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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