everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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