Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
