You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
