based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
