and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
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the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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