you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize