I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
So much rum. So many feels.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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