I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
